I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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