Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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