I wish I could teleport
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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