DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
