I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
