I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
