I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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