Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
