I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
