My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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