Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
