Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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