We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
