my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
