Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
