fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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