dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i would punch a child for taco bell
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
