4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
