she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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