There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's blow job season.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We need to get me chipped asap
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
