my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
