You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
