Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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