tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
