i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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