Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
