Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
