Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize