Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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