and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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