Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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