What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
