Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
