i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i need some magic done to my vagina
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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