If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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