my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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