i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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