TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
