I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
