They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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