i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
