she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
