Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
