Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
