Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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