how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
