hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
