Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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