maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
