Someone shit on the floor
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
