Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
