Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
