I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
MIDGETS
????
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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