I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
