i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dear god my vagina.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
