anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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